Other People's Lives: Film Journalism

It is always particularly awkward when you ask another blogger to write a little something for you only for their witticisms to outshine your own by a mile. Anyway here (completely unbegrudgingly) is an insight into the life of a lovely gentleman and talent writer. 

Title
Junior Web Editor (on my contract), Deputy Editor (on my email signature), Editor (IN MY MIND)

What does that mean?
I do everything the real editor does, but slightly less well and for quite a lot less money. However, I don’t wear clashing outfits as often as she does so I’m winning in the style stakes.

How do you get up in the morning?
Slowly. I’ve been considering investing in one of those alarm clocks that don’t stop shrieking until you’ve done something taxing like lift weights or hit a target with a laser pistol, but shopping around for one would cut into my dozing-at-my-desk time. Generally speaking I set my alarm for 6 so I can catch up on freelance work before I go to the office, then ignore it until quarter past nine and have to shower in forty seconds and wear a band t-shirt that I bought in Year 9.

What do you get up to on a typical day?
I procrastinate, pontificate, perambulate and occasionally percolate (although the cafetiere’s broken at the moment, and I don’t really like coffee anyway). In between I have fag breaks, flirt with the interns and try to remember why there’s a photo of a burrowing owl stuck on the wall by my desk.

What are the job perks?
Going to festivals of films (nominally) connected to the work of transcendental Swedish mystic Emanuel Swedenborg.

And the worst bits?
Trying to conceal my relentless pâté consumption from our ferociously vegan HR manager.

Anything else you’d like to add?
I’m working on a plan to electrocute Little Mix’s tits at the Olympic opening ceremony. It’s going to be pretty special.